10/09/12 (I need to stop this)

Begin of blog song: Open Your Eyes- Snow Patrol

     I would like to start this blog off by saying that today was not the worst day ever, but my attitude throughout the course of events that have played out have very much morphed today into if not just that, than something terribly close to it. Ten days from today will mark the anniversary of my older brothers death. I like to pretend that it doesn't effect me, and that I do not care, but as the days, months, even years have passed since that fateful day, I've come to a conclusion that I never wanted to see before. It did effect me, and it still is effecting me.
     Death or loss of any kind is a horrible and terrible thing to deal with, and no one should have to deal with it alone, not if they don't want to, or have to. I choose to deal with my grief on my own because that's the only possible outcome I can think of. My mum is already going through a lot on her own, why should I burden her any further? My sister is, to sum it up fucked. My friends, although I do hold most of them dearly to my heart, I always feel like I am much more suitable to listen to their problems, than to burry them under my own. So then who do I turn to? Who else besides the people of the internet, my own kin who are dealing with much worst, and terrible things than I.
      What do I not do about this problem of mine? I don't deal with it, and that my friends is the plain and sad truth. I am a person who would much prefer to suppress and repress than to express and accept. My emotions that is, along with certain memories I suppose. I know that this is far from healthy I am well aware of the fact that this will only be me digging myself into a deeper, darker whole of despair and yet, I do nothing to change this. They say (and by "they" I mean the experts, the doctors, the people who believe/would like to believe that they have it all figured out) that acceptance is the first step, that you must accept that you have a problem in order to get better. I disagree, you can acknowledge the problem, and stare it in the face as long and as hard as you want to but in the end if you don't know what to do with this knew found realization than it's as if you never knew in the first place.
     I don't tell you all of this crap (because that's what this is, crap and bullshit... my crap and bullshit albeit that I find semi-important but you do not give a fuck about) because I wish for your sympathy, or empathy, or because I want you to think "Oh look, this girl on the internet, she's such a fucking downer." no, please, I don't want you guys to think that, I don't want you guys to think anything at all. I just thought, since I felt like I have no one to talk to, I should do just that and not speak to anyone at all. Good night/evening/day/morning/bye. I will see (not really...) you all tomorrow.

End of blog song: I'll Be- Edwin McCain.

To those of you that have been reading my blog, who do need someone to listen to you, my email address is boo-boo32@hotmail.com I do not promise help, or salvation, I only promise a listening ear, and a kind voice. 

09/09/12

beging of blog song: Heartfelt Lies- Ron Pope

     Okay, so firstly I would like to congratulate... myself! For being AMAZING haha, kidding, kidding, I'm congratulating myself for
a) keeping up with this blog
b) finishing all my homework this morning instead of like 12am tomorrow morning... so *pat on back*!
     I would like to continue this post to comment on something I posted a few days ago about being here for you guys if you feel as if you're going through some hard times. I'm not saying in anyway what so ever that I have all the answers, I'm not even promising that I can help, what I'm promising you guys is that if you need someone to listen to you, I'm here. I'm not sure if you can contact me or not through here, so I am going to leave my email address at the end of this blog post for you. Personally I prefer emails over IM's just because I check my email's much more frequently than I am actually online. So, do with that information what you please.
     Today was kind of lacklustre, I was supposed to hang out with some friends but those plans fell through, it seems like that almost always happens to me when I make plans, it's kind of sad.

  

     Lately I've been feeling a bit sick, nothing to be alarmed about yet,  but it's still a bit worrisome so if I do not make a post in a few days it's probably because I dropped dead on my way to school... That wasn't funny, I know, I'm sorry, I'll never make another joke in my whole entire life... that's a lie, sorry, I know I shouldn't lie to my invisible humanoids. ^^

-Peace out girl scouts! (That's totally unfair of me to assume that all my non-readers are girls or scouts.. I'm pretty sure some of you invisi folks are guys as well or fall somewhere in between or nowhere at all on that spectrum.)

End of blog song: Reach- Eyes Set To Kill

08/09/12 <- This is what it's come to I see.

Begin of blog song: Living on a Prayer- Bon Jovi

     Today was the laziest day of my existence, actually I don't think it was, but it kind of was, I had a nice breakfast of:
-Nutella sandwiches
-yogourt
-tea
and then I just ate snacks for the rest of the day. I TRIED to watch The Avengers, sadly that did not fall through as my laptop kept on freezing. I need to get that external hard drive and quickly, sigh oh well.
      I feel like I really do just throw up my daily thoughts onto this blog, it's so unstructured and  unorganized I should probably change that, yet again I'm the meaning of lazy... so maybe not.
     Have you ever realized how much crap you have on your iPod/iTunes/mp3/whathaveyou? I mean, I listen to music all the time, a day does not go by where I do not listen to at least one song, or play the piano, or sing, or whatever and when I do this, I am ALWAYS shocked over the fact that half of the songs I know, or have on my iTunes I don't even like anymore, in some cases I never even liked them to begin with! I think that's amazing!

  

     Also, well not also, because this is not an add on of my previous paragraph, but uh I realized that I sometimes have the tendency to act like an asshole, not like a terrible assholey asshole, just like you know like a pretty negative person, who gives off semi-assholey vibes.... I hope other people don't think of me like this, and that this is only some sort of reaction caused by my low self-esteem. Here's hoping, eh?

End of blog song: Killer Queen- Queen

07/09/12

Begin of blog song: Above The Water- Art Of Sleeping

Obviously how I looked on photo day and how my ID was supposed to look.

Hello humanoids,  having a fantastic Friday I hope.  Alright today's recap:

-went to school all dolled up

-went to classes like a good little girl

-hang out with friends at lunch

-spilt pasta sauce all over my beige pants

I just got home from school by the way and I'm already stuffing my face with a pizza and a salad. I'd show you a picture of that as well, except this isn't instagram and I like to eat my food, not take pictures of it. You actually own an instagram now and have a total of two food pics on there.

  

My weekend plans are pretty much to do everything in my power to put off my Spanish homework until the last possible second... and my chemistry homework. Shit! Just remembered I forgot my sociology textbook at school.... looks like I'm not reading THAT chapter anytime soon.... 

I'll see YOU tomorrow *winkey face*

Oh! Speaking of winkie faces, my Spanish teacher, man her personality is AWESMAZING! Best I've seen in awhile, too bad she's too old for me... HAHA Just kidding, that's illegal, and yeah.... Byeeeee.

TODAY IS THURSDAY! (Duh)

Begin of blog song: Colourblind- Art of Sleeping

     I should be doing Spanish and math homework, but instead I am here, with you guys, my inviso-huminoids, I know try to hold back your tears of gratitude will ya? I am also supposed to be painting my nails, why? Because I said I was going to do them from Sunday evening and I still haven't, that's why. Anyhow, ramble ramble ramble squawk squawk squawk, Ummm yeah.

  

     Tomorrow is picture day! I'll take a picture before I leave so y'all can see how fucking fab' I look ;) *winkie face* uh, My hair is an asshole, like a total mutha' fuuka' but what can I say. I've been swearing like a pirate from since last night. Honestly what the hell is wrong with me? I use to have the WORST potty mouth back in the sixth grade and kicked the habit pretty quickly. Now here I am once-a-fucking-gain with the same bullshit! I apologize to my many non-readers, and will stop this rancid habit once again, just for you guys. Because I know that if you're reading this you're one fancy beast, and I find that attractive *winkie face*. Ew.
     Anyways, I think I am going to maybe leave now, maybe? No? Okay, I'll stay a bit longer. Um, haha I like to "joke" around with my friends a lot that I am a roaring lesbo, and I put quotations around the word joke, because who the hell knows if it's a joke or not? I f*cking don't! (See what I did there? I censored my words, just for you babe) but who cares either way? No matter what your preference is, or sexual orientation is, you deserve to be happy and loved and I support you and am here for you 100%, just so you know! Also, that doesn't just go to the whole gay/bi people etc., it goes to anyone struggling or dealing with something they feel is too big for them to handle on their own, I may not be much besides a crazy creepy internet baby, but I am here for you and so are many other people. I don't know, sounds like a lot of crap eh? But it's not, I know what it's like to feel that terrible loneliness, I know that feeling of not being able to handle shit on your own and breaking down in your room at night, I know that, and I know it sucks. So speak to someone, you have someone in your life that cares about you. And if you don't then you fucking have me love, and I'm a freaking rock star! Ignoring the rockstar comment this is always true.

End of blog song: Everything's Okay- Lenka

LAlalala

Begin of blog song: Heart Skips A Beat- Lenka

  

     First day blues? What are you talking about?? Good news folks! My second day of junior year was MOONS better than my first day, Ahh, so happy! Actually, this'll be cut short and continued later, as I am so hungry.

  

Mid blog song: Your Ex-lover Is Dead- Stars

     Hi guys, I'm back. My second day of school was pretty fun, I love STEPS (the 'ologies) and Spanish, best classes this year I'm pretty excited for tomorrow, even if it does rain! :)

End of blog song: Are You Free- White Rabbits

XD

Begin of blog song: Cryin'- AeroSmith

  

     Today was my first day of school! At first I really hated it, but later on I started to enjoy it a lot, and then my friend came over for lunch and we hung out. I was really scared that I wouldn't  have any of my friends in my classes, as I don't know a lot of people but luckily, I recognized a few faces in all of my classes. Nothing really spectacular to right about, oh my favourite mug broke today, I saw a dead cat on my way to school, and it was raining like crazy. How's that for a first day of school? I win! (Win what?) Nothing, that's what.

End of blog song: Band of Heroes- The Funeral