Sleep, is for the weak.

GOTTA. STAY. AWAKE.

Urgh.

Begin of blog song: Burn It Down- Linkin Park  
 
     I feel like I should come with a disclaimer, you know? Something like, "Warning, this character is extremely fucked up and my lash out at you for no fucking reason."
     Tumblr's a nice place, I'm meeting some pretty cool people from there, even getting some 'anon' love, which is great. The thing is, tumblr is also a very lonely place, and I'm starting to figure that out.
     Uhm, lately I've been in a really messed up place and I don't really know what to do. I want to cry almost all the time and it's so goddamn frustrating. It really hurts to think that the woman who raised you, the woman who fought so hard for you to be here (on this earth) is willing to throw all of that away because you're a chick that likes other chicks, or a dude that likes other dudes, or someone that likes both, or someone who wants to be the other. It's a total fuck up.
     I really like this site, so even though I'm on tumblr now, this'll always be my home. To those of you dealing with something similar or are just going through a hard time, I'm here for you, I care, and you are not alone.

End of blog song: And Darling- Tegan and Sara.

One More Year.

I need to get out of this house. Living here is killing me. I'm willing to take a year off of school to make this happen. I'm willing to do this because that's a step forward while living here is the equivalent of twelve steps back.

Update: I  did, in fact, make it out, and I didn't have to take a year off in order to do so.

I'm so tired, and I don't even know why. Thank the heavens that it's officially March Break and I can just sleep the week away.

Faith.

[Have Faith In Me- A Day To Remember] 

     I have come to the realization that the only one who will ever have enough faith in me, (or any at all) is myself.  Yes, I have family and friends that say they, "support" me, or "believe" in me, but I honestly doubt that any of them have faith in me. I feel like I've put my life on hold waiting for someone to have faith in me, to not doubt me when I say I am going to do something. But no more, whether or not there is someone by my side, someone who never gives up on me. I will have faith in me, and I will get where I need to in life, even if that means I have to at the beginning, even if that means doing it alone.

It's all I asked for, but I'm done waiting.

My Day.

 
     Today has indeed been a busy day. I woke up as per usual at 7:15am, then I lounged in bed until 7:30am, after that I finally decided it was time for me to get ready for school. I arrived at school at exactly 8:45am as the slush and snow made it extremely difficult to walk in. At 9:30am, I had an appointment with guidance where I discussed my plans for grade twelve. That went fairly well, I learnt that in order to take the online classes that I want I'd have to leave "holes" in my schedule... a bit risky I suppose but oh well. 10:10am, it was time for history. That period was spent watching The Mummy, a brilliant movie that I always enjoy watching... as long as it's the first or second one. At 11:25 I met my friend chris for lunch, we chatted and ate... it was fun and a nice change of pace, exactly what I needed. The rest of my day kind of went by in a flash, and before I knew it  it was home time.
     At home I decided to visit my school website and officially pick my courses, or at least the ones I can:

English
Earth and Space Science
Spanish
-spare-

The Writers Craft
*Studies in Literature 
*Wold History
-spare- 

     I'm extremely excited for grade twelve, I didn't even hate grade 11... I hope I can do this.

Well, the weather outside is frightful! 

(PS the ones with the '*' in front of it are my e-learning classes, also a spare is a free period).

I hope I'm Wrong.

     

       I tend to cling to broken people, because I feel like maybe if I helped them I’d be able to prove to myself that I’m not as horrid as I think. I sit down quietly and listen to others, telling them sympathetic words, genuinely trying my best to support them and then when I realize that they’re not exactly willing to extend the favour I can’t help but wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I was told once by a complete stranger that I, “look like I’m drowning” and I never actually thought that anyone noticed before… this just me leads to wonder, how many people have looked at me and seen that “drowning” expression on my face only to ignore it? Maybe there’s just something about me that makes other people leave or ignore my existence… maybe I really am as horrid as I think, and this is what I deserve.