The Skeleton Twins.

Hardly ever does a movie resonate with me this strongly. I went into it expected a comedy and ended it with tears. No, not from laughing so hard, (though there were a few laughs) but from the sheer raw emotions found in the script and the actors portrayal. This movie definitely held no punches. 

As you all know, suicide has played and always will play a crucial role in my life, may that be through past successes or future attempts. A huge theme of the movie was revolved around suicide, which made it slightly difficult to sit through, but not once did I feel the urge to turn off my computer or find something else to watch. The movie didn't handle the subject with kid gloves, but it also wasn't used as a tool to turn it into a tear jerker. It somehow managed to take a serious subject and make it a little less crushing without taking away from it or being disrespectful.

A lot of movies/books that I have seen/read on the subject of suicide have all done so wonderfully, so no, this isn't an original concept, this isn't a new spin on an old tale, but never the less something about it was definitely refreshing in ways that only one other story has been for me (Far From You by Courtney Summers, a YA novel about a young girl dealing with her father's suicide).

The self-destructive paths that the two main characters were idly wandering down was, as morbid as it sounds, entertaining. Their desire to sweep their issues under the metaphorical and overused rug was something that I feel if not all, then many people could relate to. Yet, through a ten-year gap, through the carnage and destroyed lives, they have managed not to necessarily save each other, but to give each other a little more time on the clock to learn to save themselves, and really, isn't that all that any of us really want?

- Peace Out Girl Scouts, Goodnight Cowboys, and To All of You in Between, Rest Well.

Triggers.

Instead of finishing the bottle, I out ran my demons. They'll catch up with me eventualluy, just hopefully not tonight.

All Settled In.

Begin of blog song: Cherry Wine; Hozier

So, I'm officially settled into my new apartment. There were, of course, a few hiccups along the way. The place is pet-friendly, but that doesn't mean that the carpet is. So, this morning, at around six when I could no longer handle the smell of piss under my nose, I googled homemade carpet cleaners and got on hands and knees to scrub down. It's only a temporary fix until I can make it to the shop to buy real carpet cleaner (I can't afford to have it professionally done) but so far so good. I can't smell the piss over the vinegar and soap, so I'm not complaining.

- Peace out girl scouts!

End of blog song: Fall in Love; Popcaan.

Some of Us Have to Grow Up Sometimes.

Begin of blog song: Holland; Ghost Face

So, I move out in a week. That means I need to start making adult preparations. My mum doesn't want me working during school, but I'm not a fan of pinching pennies and I'm only going to be getting the bare minimum to pay rent and buy groceries and have a bit of spending money left over. I'm a homebody but that doesn't mean that I don't end up spending a fuck-load of money on useless shit by the end of the month. So, having a part-time job and a little extra money would stop me from going stir-crazy and leave me with a little more breathing room and a hell of a lot less anxiety at the end of the month. That being said, if nowhere hires me (which probably will be the result as being black in Canada is similar to being black in America and nobody wants you unless you're the whitest black possible) it won't be the end of the world and I'll still get by just fine.
I guess the thing is, I rather have a job that I can eventually quit if things get to be too much than not even be presented with the option. So, wish me luck on my job hunt, I figure that if I start applying now by the time I make it back to Sudbury I'd at least have some interviews lined up, or something. Worst case scenario I go to my university's employment centre and get a job in the great hall or some shit.

- Peace out Girl Scouts!

End of blog song: Cut the Rope; Charlotte OC.

What do I do?

Begin of blog song: Please don't go; Barcelona

What do you do when your ex is manipulative and emotionally abusive? What do you do when you know that you should go, but you feel like you can't? What do you do when you start making excuses for them and brushing off their behaviour? What do yu do when every time that you try to leave they find ways to pull you back in. What do you do, when someone comes to you asking for advice on an identical situation to your own, but you're too proud to admit that you won't be any help because you're in the exact same sinking ship that they are?

End of blog song: You; Keaton Henson.

uhm uh... hmm

Begin of blog song: Wonderland; Taylor Swift

So, tomorrow I have a meeting with one of my friends to plan my going away/home away from home, house-warming party, and today I have to clean my room. Like, I don't have to clean my room, but I totally do, I keep using the move as an as excuse as to why I don't have to/can't (all of my packed stuff are just laying around with nowhere really to go). Honestly, though, I just want to sleep, the only motivation that I have to actually clean is that I hate leaving things for last minute. Hopefully, my random bout of nausea passes in time for me to actually do something with my day, though.

In other news, I've somehow managed to get one of my friends upset with me, I'm not too concerned though because I technically didn't do anything. Like I asked this friend to stop sending me pictures every time they get a cut/scrape because it's something that I'm just not good dealing with (that's not to say that they can't talk to me when they're feeling hurt or when they've gotten hurt, just don't send me photographic evidence). Anyways, she sent me a snapchat today, of her going bowling and then another of an injury that she's gotten that needed stitches so I sent her back a snap saying "congrats on the game", and a text saying (yet again,) "please stop sending me pictures of your cuts" and somehow that got under her skin but like whatever. I'm not her parent, I don't have to kiss her wounds better.

End of blog song: Bad (rendition); SoMo.

Moving

Begin of blog song: Happy With Me; HolyChild.

So, as you may or may not know, I will officially be moved out of my mum's house on the 31st. I'm excited, looking for furniture, thinking about how I'm going to decorate, once again being in charge of my own grocery shopping. I can't wait! I've been packed since like the beginning of August, I've been looking at beds since before then, but holy fuck, I have just found the world's best bed and I am in love. I'll be the first to admit that the place that I'm moving into is a closet, it's a two bedroom upstairs apartment with hardly enough room to turn around in (luckily for me, my roommate and I are fairly tiny). So, as you know, while dealing with limited space, storage is everything, and I have just found a bed to answer all of my prayers... one catch, it's two hundred dollars out of budget.
(This is seriously the holy grail of single beds) Here's the thing, I know that I can convince my mum to get it for me, all I have to do is save all of my other wants for another day from when I can afford them myself, in all practicality the bed is perfect, not to mention it's a bed that I will be sleeping in for the next three years, a sound investment, but just because it can be done, does it mean that it should be? In the end, I'm sure it'll be best to stick to the budget, but a girl can dream.

- peace out girl scouts (wish me luck on my move!).

End of blog song: Make a Shadow; Meg Myers