Today.

Things to do:

• Go to Walmart;
- Neutragina pink grapefruit face wash
- bioré
- black eyeliner
- a treat

• Clean laptop

• Start an assignment

• Figure out what I'm going to do with my life.


     The best way to get through the day is to make a list of all the things that need to be done/ should get done. I've  realized that I work best when I have a list of tasks in front of me that I can tick off one by one. So, everyday (depending on my level of productivity) I make a list and try my best to complete it. It's a good way to keep organized and after I go through everything and cross it out, I feel accomplished and proud of myself for actually completing something.
     Speaking of completing things (or at least the consistency that comes with) I'm still here. I think that's amazing and you can send me your letters of gratitude later.
     I mentioned K in a few of my other posts, referring to our friendship as a rocky one (to sum it up). Well, recently I've gotten tired of trying to reach out to her and make time for her when it seems as if she doesn't want to hang out with me at all. I'm not saying that there aren't times when she is a perfectly kind friend to me, but there are those times when she makes me feel as if I'm her "extra" (you know, I'm there to hang out with until something better comes up). The point is my invisi-folks, I'm thinking of removing the 'friends' from behind the honorary 'best' and replacing it with 'acquaintances'.
     Every time I'm alone with my mum it feels like a lie, like I'm a liar. She says these wonderful things like, "I love you Drue, I'm so lucky to have you in my life" and all I can think is, "I'mgayI'mgayI'mgayI'mgay." I wish that I could just come out and say it without having to worry if she'll actually accept me for me but I couldn't live with myself if I ever saw her cry because of me, I couldn't live with myself knowing that my own mother is disgusted with my existence. I cannot live with myself. I wish it were like the movies, everything laid out before you, thinking that you have all these choices but really it's already written in stone how your life is going to be and in the end everything turns out perfectly and your pleasantly surprised even though you knew it'll turn out that way because that's what always happens in movies. I wish I could be happy.