Today, I haven't got much to say, so I probably won't say anything at all? Uhm, happy Halloween, Uhm you are all wonderful little invisi-folks that never give me crap when I don't post regularly. Ugh, I really need to get myself a girlfriend... Three years later and this is still true. Some may suggest "a hobby" and I have gotten myself one of those, I play the piano, and I read and write on this blog-o-mine, but I still can help but feel as if something, (or someone) is missing. So, I've decided to stop lying to myself, and finally admit that what I want more than anything, is a relationship, is to feel loved, and special, and spectacular, but let's face the facts. I'm sixteen years old, the chances of that actually happening are slim to none.
Anyways, that's not very inspirational so I'll tell you all about how today Kit came to school all in the Halloween spirit, dressed as a very sexy, yet classy black swan. Stole my heart with a single glance! :P
-Peace out Girl Scouts!
"Be silent, or make the words be worth more than silence," - Pythagoras
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
Friday, 26 October 2012
A Lesser of Two Evils Perhaps? Which Will You Choose?
Begin of blog song: Paradise- Coldplay
Hello, dear readers, I hope you lot are much more dedicated to this blog than I am. Today, instead of bombarding you with my love life, or lack thereof. I will be talking about stress and strain. This topic is a very popular one in my household i.e. which is more taxing on the body, physical or mental strain?
I suffer from insomnia, due to generalized anxiety, and a very loud and inconsiderate older sister. Therefore, not only am I kept up from the stress that I deal with in school, (classes, grades, drama, etc.,) but I am also forced to deal with my sister deciding to watch Jersey Shore marathons until unholy hours of the night, only to have her continue with the noise early the following morning.
Well, my mother who works a twelve hour shift everyday, six days a week, lifting heavy pots, and standing on her feet all day, and then also having to come home and deal with the same acts of terrorism as I, feels that since I am not doing all that she is, I have no right to be exhausted once morning comes. She believes that if I am tired, it simply means that I am going to bed far too late. Mind you I go to bed at 10:00 every night, 10:30 the latest, I assure you that this is not late at all.
Although I have labeled this to pit mental/physical stress against one another, I am not going to pick a side and say which is worst to deal with, as I properly understanding that they are both a sort of torture in their own right. The conclusion that I have reached over the years, is that physical stress is just as bad as mental strain and vice versa, I only hope that my mother will come to the same terms as I, and instead of blaming my sleep apnea on my being lazy (the longer you sleep or don't do anything the more tired you feel) or that I am going to bed too late, and instead realize that what I am dealing with, although might not seem like much to her, is far too much for me.
Just as I understand that it is no picnic to come home every day after work with sore muscles and disrespectful children. I see the pain it causes her, and although I would like to apologize on behalf of my sister (and I (as I am not a saint,)) I can only take responsibility for myself, and apologies tend to be meaningless in this house. So instead I will do what I can to pull my weight, if not to show her that I care, then to make her understand that I am suffering (well, not suffering as that's a harsh word... but you understand), just as much as she is,
Well, there you have it, readers, that is why I have been missing for a few days now, not because I've given up on you or this blog.
My challenge for you is to answer today's topic, which do you think is more tedious to deal with, mental stress or physical strain?
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Bigger Than Us- White Lies
Hello, dear readers, I hope you lot are much more dedicated to this blog than I am. Today, instead of bombarding you with my love life, or lack thereof. I will be talking about stress and strain. This topic is a very popular one in my household i.e. which is more taxing on the body, physical or mental strain?
I suffer from insomnia, due to generalized anxiety, and a very loud and inconsiderate older sister. Therefore, not only am I kept up from the stress that I deal with in school, (classes, grades, drama, etc.,) but I am also forced to deal with my sister deciding to watch Jersey Shore marathons until unholy hours of the night, only to have her continue with the noise early the following morning.
Well, my mother who works a twelve hour shift everyday, six days a week, lifting heavy pots, and standing on her feet all day, and then also having to come home and deal with the same acts of terrorism as I, feels that since I am not doing all that she is, I have no right to be exhausted once morning comes. She believes that if I am tired, it simply means that I am going to bed far too late. Mind you I go to bed at 10:00 every night, 10:30 the latest, I assure you that this is not late at all.
Although I have labeled this to pit mental/physical stress against one another, I am not going to pick a side and say which is worst to deal with, as I properly understanding that they are both a sort of torture in their own right. The conclusion that I have reached over the years, is that physical stress is just as bad as mental strain and vice versa, I only hope that my mother will come to the same terms as I, and instead of blaming my sleep apnea on my being lazy (the longer you sleep or don't do anything the more tired you feel) or that I am going to bed too late, and instead realize that what I am dealing with, although might not seem like much to her, is far too much for me.
Just as I understand that it is no picnic to come home every day after work with sore muscles and disrespectful children. I see the pain it causes her, and although I would like to apologize on behalf of my sister (and I (as I am not a saint,)) I can only take responsibility for myself, and apologies tend to be meaningless in this house. So instead I will do what I can to pull my weight, if not to show her that I care, then to make her understand that I am suffering (well, not suffering as that's a harsh word... but you understand), just as much as she is,
Well, there you have it, readers, that is why I have been missing for a few days now, not because I've given up on you or this blog.
My challenge for you is to answer today's topic, which do you think is more tedious to deal with, mental stress or physical strain?
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Bigger Than Us- White Lies
Monday, 22 October 2012
I Still Believe You When You Say, It's Another Perfect Day
Begin of blog song: In The Next Room- Neon Trees
Today, was an amazing day! Spectacular, well... kind of. This morning due to a bad dream having to do with killer psycho goth vampire clowns I woke up at 3:14 am (pi time!) only to then fall back to sleep at seven and wake up at 8. Anyways, normally this would be a bad thing, but because of some sort of cosmic glitch I was able to see Ms. T, and boy wash she a looker, all dolled up today for some reason, and it sent my heart racing!
Numero dos, as to why my day was amazing, chemistry class. Well let's explain to you the layout of my chem class, it's sort of like a double horseshoe so a small u in the middle, and then a bigger U on the outside. Well, I sit on the outer bigger U to the left of the classroom, and this girl that I've sort of had an interest in for awhile now, sits in the inner smaller u right in front of me. Anyway, we've eventually got the chatting, and we've realized we have got a lot in common (both failing the class, both want to be teachers, etc...) and I was able to have a very nice conversation with her that resulted in mutual laughter. The sad part? I am very much aware of Kit's status, and that status would be straight. (Another one bites the dust.)
Numero 3 (sorry, my Spanish isn't that great) my lovely friend gave me a chocolate cupcake today in Spanish class! Which is amazing, since I've been craving one of those ALL month!!
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Apartment- Young The Giant.
*Her name obviously isn't Kit, but you've got the deal with the whole name thing... also I'd like to point out that I still fancy her, it's just that I know it's a dead end there, so I'm no longer entertaining that idea. As I soon will have to do with Kit.
Today, was an amazing day! Spectacular, well... kind of. This morning due to a bad dream having to do with killer psycho goth vampire clowns I woke up at 3:14 am (pi time!) only to then fall back to sleep at seven and wake up at 8. Anyways, normally this would be a bad thing, but because of some sort of cosmic glitch I was able to see Ms. T, and boy wash she a looker, all dolled up today for some reason, and it sent my heart racing!
Numero dos, as to why my day was amazing, chemistry class. Well let's explain to you the layout of my chem class, it's sort of like a double horseshoe so a small u in the middle, and then a bigger U on the outside. Well, I sit on the outer bigger U to the left of the classroom, and this girl that I've sort of had an interest in for awhile now, sits in the inner smaller u right in front of me. Anyway, we've eventually got the chatting, and we've realized we have got a lot in common (both failing the class, both want to be teachers, etc...) and I was able to have a very nice conversation with her that resulted in mutual laughter. The sad part? I am very much aware of Kit's status, and that status would be straight. (Another one bites the dust.)
Numero 3 (sorry, my Spanish isn't that great) my lovely friend gave me a chocolate cupcake today in Spanish class! Which is amazing, since I've been craving one of those ALL month!!
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Apartment- Young The Giant.
*Her name obviously isn't Kit, but you've got the deal with the whole name thing... also I'd like to point out that I still fancy her, it's just that I know it's a dead end there, so I'm no longer entertaining that idea. As I soon will have to do with Kit.
Friday, 19 October 2012
Don't Take It With A Grain Of Salt. I Mean It.
Begin of blog song: Build God, Then We'll Talk- Panic! At The Disco
I was going to write something here, something important, something about happiness. But you know what? Fuck it, I'm not responsible for anyones happiness but my own. It's a selfish thought, but it's one that I stand true to. I am so sick and tired of trying to make other people happy only to have them either take advantage of me [M], or to have them eventually grow to resent me because all though I am giving them all I have to give, it will never be enough [R]. I'm not going to spread myself thin for people who refuse to be there for me.
Take M, my first example; a great friend, goes through a whole bunch of family drama, I am always there for her, no matter what, to cheer her up when she gets into a serious spat with the 'rents, or to listen to her when her sisters drive her up the wall. Yet, I know that the second that she finds out that I so much as entertain the idea of liking other girls, I will lose that friendship, and she will walk away without so much as a second glance over her shoulder.
Now R, as my second example; I will always be there for him, as a friend. I listened to him tell me the horrible things that he has done, and that has been done to him. I've listened to his stories of glory and lost, I've listened to him pine over a girl, and tell me that he is "in love with me" all in the same breathe. I have sat there on the phone with him for hours and hours helping him through difficult times. However, the second that he found out that I am for the girl team, and that although I will literally wake up at 3 in the morning because he is scared and needs someone to talk to, he will never be able to see past the fact that just like his ex who left him for another girl, I am a lesbian. He will never get over the fact that this idea of happiness he has led himself to believe he will attain if he were with me is not real.
So to both of you, yes I care deeply, yes I love you, yes you will always be an important person in my life, but fuck you, okay? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does, only to say the least. I will no longer sit and be blamed for your happiness, or lack there of. I will no longer sit down and let you guys use me all up, only to throw me away when the curtain is pulled and you've realized that I am not what you expected, nor what you wanted. Because you know what, I'm not, I am so, so much more. It's high time you guys realised it before you both lose me for good. Because I cannot keep playing these reindeer games.
End of blog song: Cat and Mouse- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
I was going to write something here, something important, something about happiness. But you know what? Fuck it, I'm not responsible for anyones happiness but my own. It's a selfish thought, but it's one that I stand true to. I am so sick and tired of trying to make other people happy only to have them either take advantage of me [M], or to have them eventually grow to resent me because all though I am giving them all I have to give, it will never be enough [R]. I'm not going to spread myself thin for people who refuse to be there for me.
Take M, my first example; a great friend, goes through a whole bunch of family drama, I am always there for her, no matter what, to cheer her up when she gets into a serious spat with the 'rents, or to listen to her when her sisters drive her up the wall. Yet, I know that the second that she finds out that I so much as entertain the idea of liking other girls, I will lose that friendship, and she will walk away without so much as a second glance over her shoulder.
Now R, as my second example; I will always be there for him, as a friend. I listened to him tell me the horrible things that he has done, and that has been done to him. I've listened to his stories of glory and lost, I've listened to him pine over a girl, and tell me that he is "in love with me" all in the same breathe. I have sat there on the phone with him for hours and hours helping him through difficult times. However, the second that he found out that I am for the girl team, and that although I will literally wake up at 3 in the morning because he is scared and needs someone to talk to, he will never be able to see past the fact that just like his ex who left him for another girl, I am a lesbian. He will never get over the fact that this idea of happiness he has led himself to believe he will attain if he were with me is not real.
So to both of you, yes I care deeply, yes I love you, yes you will always be an important person in my life, but fuck you, okay? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does, only to say the least. I will no longer sit and be blamed for your happiness, or lack there of. I will no longer sit down and let you guys use me all up, only to throw me away when the curtain is pulled and you've realized that I am not what you expected, nor what you wanted. Because you know what, I'm not, I am so, so much more. It's high time you guys realised it before you both lose me for good. Because I cannot keep playing these reindeer games.
End of blog song: Cat and Mouse- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Tuesday, 16 October 2012
My First Crush Went A Little Like This!
Begin of blog song: If It Really Means A Lot To You- A Day To Remember
Today, I've decided to take another walk down memory lane with you guys. Don't worry, I won't be diving into the events of my brothers death, this will be a far more happy story, this will be a story about when I finally did decide to come to terms with my sexuality, this is a story about when I learnt that I liked one of my friends more than just a friend.
The crush happened around this time back in 2007, I was in grade 7 then. However, I'm going to start before that. I'm going to start from the beginning, not from where it all began, because that'll take too much time, and be way too far back into the past to properly keep track of. Instead, I'll start from when I first met P.
I walked into my classroom on the first day of middle school, extremely nervous, but also very excited. I had a lot of my close friends from elementary school in my class, so it wasn't that bad All the same, it was a new environment I was walking into, and I was scared. I was running a little late that day, so I walked in after the bell. Most of my friends were already paired up together, and there were only a few empty seats left. In the middle of the room was this girl, she was silently laughing with some other girl I assumed went to her previous school, and although she was wearing the same uniform of black pants with a blue t.shirt sporting the school's crest, she stood out from the mass of students, her quiet voice was well heard over the white noise of everyone else.
Luckily for me, there was an empty seat behind her, and I was smart enough to take it, claim it as my own. (S.N.: I didn't think that I had an "attraction" to her or anything like that, I just knew that no matter what I wanted to get close to her) By that time we were getting our lockers, and trying to figure out how to open our locks. Mine wasn't as easy as I expected it to be, but this turned out to work to my advantage. P. seemed to be a pro at it, as she was helping everyone else with theirs. I did the logical thing, and gave her my best (most nervous) smile, and asked for her assistance with my own lock. That was it, that one conversation, and I was kind of hooked.
We became friends fast, best friends even faster. Before I knew it, we were hanging out all the time, we spoke on the phone together quite often, hung out together all the time at lunch, and any chance I had to be her partner, or any chance I had to talk to her in class, I took. I was in bliss, it was wonderful. The best.
It wasn't long until my other friends, got angry that I was spending all my time with someone else, and I completely understood why. I didn't simply "kick them to the back seat" of my life. No, I absolutely kicked them off the bus. (I'd like to note now, for the record, that I wasn't sorry at the time, and I'm still not... I am however sorry, that I'm not sorry... kind of) Anyways, I ended up doing what I considered to be the "adult" thing, and introduced P. to my other friends, they hit it off pretty nicely, but I always thought of her as mine.
S.N. : Although I am not as close to P. now as I was then, we're still considered "friends" only now, not as close as before. This time I'm the one that sits in front of her. I realize now what those feelings were that I harboured towards P., and I've grown out of them. However, even though I don't feel the same way anymore, that doesn't mean that I don't miss the feel of her small frame incased in my own (relax, I'm talking about when we hugged, or when she would sit on my lap),hearing her laugh because of something I said, or miss walking her home (or at least part of the way) after school. But even though I miss a lot, I'm glad that I had that friendship with her, and I'm glad that it has helped me realize who I am. So thank you, P. and I hope you find the guy that makes you happy, just as I hope I find the girl that'll do the same for me.
- Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: This Time I Swear I Mean It- Mayday Parade.
Today, I've decided to take another walk down memory lane with you guys. Don't worry, I won't be diving into the events of my brothers death, this will be a far more happy story, this will be a story about when I finally did decide to come to terms with my sexuality, this is a story about when I learnt that I liked one of my friends more than just a friend.
The crush happened around this time back in 2007, I was in grade 7 then. However, I'm going to start before that. I'm going to start from the beginning, not from where it all began, because that'll take too much time, and be way too far back into the past to properly keep track of. Instead, I'll start from when I first met P.
I walked into my classroom on the first day of middle school, extremely nervous, but also very excited. I had a lot of my close friends from elementary school in my class, so it wasn't that bad All the same, it was a new environment I was walking into, and I was scared. I was running a little late that day, so I walked in after the bell. Most of my friends were already paired up together, and there were only a few empty seats left. In the middle of the room was this girl, she was silently laughing with some other girl I assumed went to her previous school, and although she was wearing the same uniform of black pants with a blue t.shirt sporting the school's crest, she stood out from the mass of students, her quiet voice was well heard over the white noise of everyone else.
Luckily for me, there was an empty seat behind her, and I was smart enough to take it, claim it as my own. (S.N.: I didn't think that I had an "attraction" to her or anything like that, I just knew that no matter what I wanted to get close to her) By that time we were getting our lockers, and trying to figure out how to open our locks. Mine wasn't as easy as I expected it to be, but this turned out to work to my advantage. P. seemed to be a pro at it, as she was helping everyone else with theirs. I did the logical thing, and gave her my best (most nervous) smile, and asked for her assistance with my own lock. That was it, that one conversation, and I was kind of hooked.
We became friends fast, best friends even faster. Before I knew it, we were hanging out all the time, we spoke on the phone together quite often, hung out together all the time at lunch, and any chance I had to be her partner, or any chance I had to talk to her in class, I took. I was in bliss, it was wonderful. The best.
It wasn't long until my other friends, got angry that I was spending all my time with someone else, and I completely understood why. I didn't simply "kick them to the back seat" of my life. No, I absolutely kicked them off the bus. (I'd like to note now, for the record, that I wasn't sorry at the time, and I'm still not... I am however sorry, that I'm not sorry... kind of) Anyways, I ended up doing what I considered to be the "adult" thing, and introduced P. to my other friends, they hit it off pretty nicely, but I always thought of her as mine.
S.N. : Although I am not as close to P. now as I was then, we're still considered "friends" only now, not as close as before. This time I'm the one that sits in front of her. I realize now what those feelings were that I harboured towards P., and I've grown out of them. However, even though I don't feel the same way anymore, that doesn't mean that I don't miss the feel of her small frame incased in my own (relax, I'm talking about when we hugged, or when she would sit on my lap),hearing her laugh because of something I said, or miss walking her home (or at least part of the way) after school. But even though I miss a lot, I'm glad that I had that friendship with her, and I'm glad that it has helped me realize who I am. So thank you, P. and I hope you find the guy that makes you happy, just as I hope I find the girl that'll do the same for me.
- Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: This Time I Swear I Mean It- Mayday Parade.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
Magical People :)
Begin of blog song: Candles- Daughter
I'd like to make it clear that these challenges have no time limit. So, whoever you are, when you someday find this blog, and you see the mini challenges that I leave here, then do them, answer me. I'd like to think that the internet is a lot less lonely than people make it out to be. That being said, I have a challenge for you folks at home, tell me a topic that you'd like to have me "talk" about, and I will. I say this challenge because, I feel as if this blog is repetitive, and because I would like to get you people involved.
Whenever I get page views, I am informed about it, so I know that at least one person reads my daily blog posts, so take me up on my challenge okay? If you don't then I guess that's cool too... but it'd be awesome if you did. :)
Today's topic is about magic. A lot of people, especially people my age and older have given up on the possibility or the idea of magic. They fail to realise and recognize that magic isn't all fairy dust and sparkles, but magic is the little things. It's your first kiss shared with the person you fancy, it's when you passed that test you were so sure that you were going to fail, it's when you've given up all hope and life lends you a hand. Magic is that smile shared with that one stranger while you're walking down the street. Magic is that spark that's inside you that although people will try they will never be able to put out. Magic is anything we want it to be, anything we need it to be, magic is us.
No, we're not all prancing unicorns that can only survive off of rainbow cupcakes. We're so much more, we're that magic that can either save a person's life or completely destroy their will to live. We're that little spark of hope that our parents see when they look at us, that smile that's so big it makes our faces hurt. Every single one of us are magic, it's just how we use that magic that tips the scales. Uncle Ben (yes from SpiderMan) once said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." and I'll tell you this, truer words have never been spoken.
Every time you bully someone for being different, or for doing something that you don't believe in, you're stealing their magic and turning it into something dark and ugly, instead of the stuff of dreams and rainbows that it's meant to be. Just because you're having a crappy day, and can't find the magic in yourself at the moment, that does not give you the right to take it away from someone else. No matter what. Just as much as you think you deserve your magic, other people deserve theirs.
I have another challenge for you guys, I challenge you to go up to someone that you've hurt, or that you've made cry, or that you've been even slightly mean to as a 'joke', to go up to someone that you've bullied, I challenge you to go up to them, and tell them that you're sorry for stealing their magic. Then, after that, I dare you to share some of yours with someone who has lost theirs.
There's this Tv program, called Much, and a few years ago they came up with a slogan that says, "Love is louder." This is pretty much saying that love is louder than hate, than homophobia, than racism, than prejudice. It's saying that maybe if we focused more on the good than the bad, then maybe this world wouldn't seem as magicless as it does to so many people. Magic is all around us, all we have to do is open our eyes and see. My name is Drue Samuels, and I'm magic.
- Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Beautiful- Christina Aguilera
I'd like to make it clear that these challenges have no time limit. So, whoever you are, when you someday find this blog, and you see the mini challenges that I leave here, then do them, answer me. I'd like to think that the internet is a lot less lonely than people make it out to be. That being said, I have a challenge for you folks at home, tell me a topic that you'd like to have me "talk" about, and I will. I say this challenge because, I feel as if this blog is repetitive, and because I would like to get you people involved.
Whenever I get page views, I am informed about it, so I know that at least one person reads my daily blog posts, so take me up on my challenge okay? If you don't then I guess that's cool too... but it'd be awesome if you did. :)
Today's topic is about magic. A lot of people, especially people my age and older have given up on the possibility or the idea of magic. They fail to realise and recognize that magic isn't all fairy dust and sparkles, but magic is the little things. It's your first kiss shared with the person you fancy, it's when you passed that test you were so sure that you were going to fail, it's when you've given up all hope and life lends you a hand. Magic is that smile shared with that one stranger while you're walking down the street. Magic is that spark that's inside you that although people will try they will never be able to put out. Magic is anything we want it to be, anything we need it to be, magic is us.
No, we're not all prancing unicorns that can only survive off of rainbow cupcakes. We're so much more, we're that magic that can either save a person's life or completely destroy their will to live. We're that little spark of hope that our parents see when they look at us, that smile that's so big it makes our faces hurt. Every single one of us are magic, it's just how we use that magic that tips the scales. Uncle Ben (yes from SpiderMan) once said, "With great power, comes great responsibility." and I'll tell you this, truer words have never been spoken.
Every time you bully someone for being different, or for doing something that you don't believe in, you're stealing their magic and turning it into something dark and ugly, instead of the stuff of dreams and rainbows that it's meant to be. Just because you're having a crappy day, and can't find the magic in yourself at the moment, that does not give you the right to take it away from someone else. No matter what. Just as much as you think you deserve your magic, other people deserve theirs.
I have another challenge for you guys, I challenge you to go up to someone that you've hurt, or that you've made cry, or that you've been even slightly mean to as a 'joke', to go up to someone that you've bullied, I challenge you to go up to them, and tell them that you're sorry for stealing their magic. Then, after that, I dare you to share some of yours with someone who has lost theirs.
There's this Tv program, called Much, and a few years ago they came up with a slogan that says, "Love is louder." This is pretty much saying that love is louder than hate, than homophobia, than racism, than prejudice. It's saying that maybe if we focused more on the good than the bad, then maybe this world wouldn't seem as magicless as it does to so many people. Magic is all around us, all we have to do is open our eyes and see. My name is Drue Samuels, and I'm magic.
- Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Beautiful- Christina Aguilera
Friday, 12 October 2012
It's Okay To Be Gay! :)
Begin of blog song: Stand up- Flobots
Hey guys, here's what's going on in my life, I've decided to join my school's GSA (Gay Straight Alliance). I was extremely worried at first though, for starters I didn't properly hear the announcement so I was scared that I'd have to go down to the office and speak to them directly about it. The problem with that, is if someone were to have walked in on me asking about the GSA, I would have been in big trouble. Let's face it, this is high school we're talking about, not just any high school, but one filled and ruled by the not so accepting part of Canada. One time when I was walking through the mall holding hands with my good friend K, I was asked, (by someone I don't know might I add) "Is that a best friend thing, or...(insert sneer here)" K, of course said "Best friends" I stood there slightly disgusted over the whole situation, and then the asker of the question (damn their soul) said, "Good." Good, the bastard. So, excuse me if I'm not exactly ready for this lil' secret of mine to come out. I'd rather do cartwheels out of the closet than be dragged out kicking and screaming.
Anyways, so I was in an anxious state afterwards as I didn't exactly know what to do, and I really did want to be a part of it. So I told myself, that next time I'd listen intently to the announcements to get the details needed to be apart of this. Sadly, that day would have been today, and I'm home sick, so I sent a little message to K asking her to be the ears I needed that morning, and the only information she was able to come back to me with was that the club didn't start until next week.
Luckily for me, I soon after found my friend B online, who (bless her soul) not only told me the name of the teacher in charge of the GSA, but she also understood my anxiety over the whole situation, and agreed to come with me for support. I'm not exactly sure how I got lucky with such a great friend, or I guess great friends, but no matter the "who, or the what, or the why" I thank God every single day that I was blessed with these wonderful accepting people, because if I'm being 100% with myself, high school would be hell without them, and I would never have been able to accept myself for who I am without them. So although you guys aren't reading this right now, and probably never will, thank you so much for being the support that I need. Not just B, and K, but also J and even my newest friend S, and maybe even her. Thanks guys, this one is for you as much as it was for me!
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Steal Your Heart Away- Seneca Hawk
Hey guys, here's what's going on in my life, I've decided to join my school's GSA (Gay Straight Alliance). I was extremely worried at first though, for starters I didn't properly hear the announcement so I was scared that I'd have to go down to the office and speak to them directly about it. The problem with that, is if someone were to have walked in on me asking about the GSA, I would have been in big trouble. Let's face it, this is high school we're talking about, not just any high school, but one filled and ruled by the not so accepting part of Canada. One time when I was walking through the mall holding hands with my good friend K, I was asked, (by someone I don't know might I add) "Is that a best friend thing, or...(insert sneer here)" K, of course said "Best friends" I stood there slightly disgusted over the whole situation, and then the asker of the question (damn their soul) said, "Good." Good, the bastard. So, excuse me if I'm not exactly ready for this lil' secret of mine to come out. I'd rather do cartwheels out of the closet than be dragged out kicking and screaming.
Anyways, so I was in an anxious state afterwards as I didn't exactly know what to do, and I really did want to be a part of it. So I told myself, that next time I'd listen intently to the announcements to get the details needed to be apart of this. Sadly, that day would have been today, and I'm home sick, so I sent a little message to K asking her to be the ears I needed that morning, and the only information she was able to come back to me with was that the club didn't start until next week.
Luckily for me, I soon after found my friend B online, who (bless her soul) not only told me the name of the teacher in charge of the GSA, but she also understood my anxiety over the whole situation, and agreed to come with me for support. I'm not exactly sure how I got lucky with such a great friend, or I guess great friends, but no matter the "who, or the what, or the why" I thank God every single day that I was blessed with these wonderful accepting people, because if I'm being 100% with myself, high school would be hell without them, and I would never have been able to accept myself for who I am without them. So although you guys aren't reading this right now, and probably never will, thank you so much for being the support that I need. Not just B, and K, but also J and even my newest friend S, and maybe even her. Thanks guys, this one is for you as much as it was for me!
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: Steal Your Heart Away- Seneca Hawk
Tuesday, 9 October 2012
09/10/12
Begin of blog song: Not an Angel- City Sleeps
Today, we got our Tcard photos taken, and a tour of the campus. My photo didn't turn out too shabby if I do say so myself, also the campus is beautiful! Today, some pretty embarrassing things happened.
For one, I think I mentioned my social anxiety, well, the whole day I was bumping into other people and making weird faces, or walking into things and making weird sounds and faces because, I'm awkward.
Secondly, I was explaining to my friends what would happen to a person if they yelled out "I'M A LESBIAN!" in the middle of the school cafeteria (as my school isn't exactly an accepting one...) which was when my teacher decided to get our attention, hearing my very loud outburst. He laughed, (not in a mean way, but you know, had to be there to understand...) I couldn't look him the eyes for the rest of the trip.
Besides that, the trip was so amazing! I had so much fun, and maybe even made another friend! This trip was a success, now all I have to deal with is a chem and math test tomorrow. I think I can do it? No, I know I can!
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: That's Not My Name- The Ting Tings
Today, we got our Tcard photos taken, and a tour of the campus. My photo didn't turn out too shabby if I do say so myself, also the campus is beautiful! Today, some pretty embarrassing things happened.
For one, I think I mentioned my social anxiety, well, the whole day I was bumping into other people and making weird faces, or walking into things and making weird sounds and faces because, I'm awkward.
Secondly, I was explaining to my friends what would happen to a person if they yelled out "I'M A LESBIAN!" in the middle of the school cafeteria (as my school isn't exactly an accepting one...) which was when my teacher decided to get our attention, hearing my very loud outburst. He laughed, (not in a mean way, but you know, had to be there to understand...) I couldn't look him the eyes for the rest of the trip.
Besides that, the trip was so amazing! I had so much fun, and maybe even made another friend! This trip was a success, now all I have to deal with is a chem and math test tomorrow. I think I can do it? No, I know I can!
-Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song: That's Not My Name- The Ting Tings
Monday, 8 October 2012
08.10.12
Begin of blog show: Tom & Jerry
Hello world, I'm back. A three-day break may not have seemed like long to you, but it was almost an entire lifetime to me. I missed not having somewhere to post my thoughts every day, I missed not feeling like maybe, just maybe somewhere out there someone's reading this and is thinking to themselves "You know what, I can relate to this weird little internet girl, and I want to be her friend..." or you know, something along those lines...
Happy Thanksgiving to those of us in Canada who celebrated, I hope you all have much to give thanks for and have a wonderful day! I'm going to go now, I'm not 100% sure if this is a "back for good", or a "back for now" I guess we'll find out tomorrow, though.
- Peace out girl scouts.
End of blog show: Looney Toones.
Hello world, I'm back. A three-day break may not have seemed like long to you, but it was almost an entire lifetime to me. I missed not having somewhere to post my thoughts every day, I missed not feeling like maybe, just maybe somewhere out there someone's reading this and is thinking to themselves "You know what, I can relate to this weird little internet girl, and I want to be her friend..." or you know, something along those lines...
Happy Thanksgiving to those of us in Canada who celebrated, I hope you all have much to give thanks for and have a wonderful day! I'm going to go now, I'm not 100% sure if this is a "back for good", or a "back for now" I guess we'll find out tomorrow, though.
- Peace out girl scouts.
End of blog show: Looney Toones.
Friday, 5 October 2012
05.10.12
Begin of blog song: Sticks & Bricks- A Day To Remember
I've come to a terrible realization. I cannot simply speak to someone, or interact with a person without somehow making myself feel like utter crap, and this isn't healthy. So, from now until further notice, I'm taking a break, from everything. This break of mine can last from four days to four months. I'd try to not make it such a big gap, as I do need this blog, I feel as if it helps me stay sane. However, I need some time for myself, catch up on my reading, relax, watch a few kick ass movies.
Don't feel too sad, though, you're not the only one I'm going to be staying away from. I've also turned off my phone. I've logged off of Facebook. I've decided to take a break from everything. I might even visit the city just to get a change of scenery.
I'll be back when I get my head cleared and thoughts figured out. I'll be back when I've built up my strength to like myself a little bit more, and hate myself a little bit less. Until then well...
- Peace out girl scouts.
End of blog song: Have Faith In Me- A Day To Remember.
I've come to a terrible realization. I cannot simply speak to someone, or interact with a person without somehow making myself feel like utter crap, and this isn't healthy. So, from now until further notice, I'm taking a break, from everything. This break of mine can last from four days to four months. I'd try to not make it such a big gap, as I do need this blog, I feel as if it helps me stay sane. However, I need some time for myself, catch up on my reading, relax, watch a few kick ass movies.
Don't feel too sad, though, you're not the only one I'm going to be staying away from. I've also turned off my phone. I've logged off of Facebook. I've decided to take a break from everything. I might even visit the city just to get a change of scenery.
I'll be back when I get my head cleared and thoughts figured out. I'll be back when I've built up my strength to like myself a little bit more, and hate myself a little bit less. Until then well...
- Peace out girl scouts.
End of blog song: Have Faith In Me- A Day To Remember.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
04/10/12
Begin of blog song: Candle- Daughter
Today, was just as tiresome as any other. Woke up at 2:43AM. Bad dream; couldn't sleep. Been up since then. Went to school, took notes, took more notes. Had lunch, ate with friends. Saw her. Walked her to class. Took more notes, did a math quiz. Came home, rocked out to a secret crowd. Took a shower, ate, went on the computer.
Tomorrow is Friday, and then I get three days to detox and get all thoughts of her out of my head. Until Thursday that is, when I have a lunch date planned with her. It's not an actual date, of course, that'll never happen.
I'm looking forward to the long break, aren't we all? I'm supposed to be going shopping with mum, that probably won't happen, though. Things solemnly happen the way they were planned out. Here's hoping that for once, everything plays out smoothly.
I'll tell you all a secret, life isn't hard. Not even close to complicated. Life is the easiest thing to deal with. You know what fucks all of that up? We do, we complicate things, we make things harder on ourselves and on others. We are afraid to live, and we are afraid to love, so we screw ourselves over and do whatever we can to keep ourselves "safe" all while blaming someone else.
End of blog song: I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem)- Good Charlotte
-Peace out girl scouts.
Today, was just as tiresome as any other. Woke up at 2:43AM. Bad dream; couldn't sleep. Been up since then. Went to school, took notes, took more notes. Had lunch, ate with friends. Saw her. Walked her to class. Took more notes, did a math quiz. Came home, rocked out to a secret crowd. Took a shower, ate, went on the computer.
Tomorrow is Friday, and then I get three days to detox and get all thoughts of her out of my head. Until Thursday that is, when I have a lunch date planned with her. It's not an actual date, of course, that'll never happen.
I'm looking forward to the long break, aren't we all? I'm supposed to be going shopping with mum, that probably won't happen, though. Things solemnly happen the way they were planned out. Here's hoping that for once, everything plays out smoothly.
I'll tell you all a secret, life isn't hard. Not even close to complicated. Life is the easiest thing to deal with. You know what fucks all of that up? We do, we complicate things, we make things harder on ourselves and on others. We are afraid to live, and we are afraid to love, so we screw ourselves over and do whatever we can to keep ourselves "safe" all while blaming someone else.
End of blog song: I Don't Wanna Be In Love (Dance Floor Anthem)- Good Charlotte
-Peace out girl scouts.
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
03/10/12
Begin of blog song: I'll Be- Edwin McCain
I think I might like someone, but it won't happen. I'm kinda bummed but, I've got to move on, cowgirl up and stay strong. I can do it, even if reading her flirtatious text messages keeps me smiling all day. :) I can do it! It's the Canadian way to stay positive!
End of blog song: Life Slash Dreams- Dan Black
I think I might like someone, but it won't happen. I'm kinda bummed but, I've got to move on, cowgirl up and stay strong. I can do it, even if reading her flirtatious text messages keeps me smiling all day. :) I can do it! It's the Canadian way to stay positive!
End of blog song: Life Slash Dreams- Dan Black
Monday, 1 October 2012
01/10/2012
Begin of blog song: Weightless- City and Colour
Alright people, I'll have you know, my worries about school are now NO MAS! :) All I have to do is study the courses that I like the most, and everything is A-OK! On the not so bright side, I am stuck with biology, and drama... woohoo.
Ah! I don't have anything to say, not really, I guess that was it. I do have a question though, creation or evolution? Why?
- Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song- It Don't Mean A Thing- Ella Fitzgeraled
Alright people, I'll have you know, my worries about school are now NO MAS! :) All I have to do is study the courses that I like the most, and everything is A-OK! On the not so bright side, I am stuck with biology, and drama... woohoo.
Ah! I don't have anything to say, not really, I guess that was it. I do have a question though, creation or evolution? Why?
- Peace out girl scouts!
End of blog song- It Don't Mean A Thing- Ella Fitzgeraled
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