Don't Take It With A Grain Of Salt. I Mean It.

Begin of blog song: Build God, Then We'll Talk- Panic! At The Disco

     I was going to write something here, something important, something about happiness. But you know what? Fuck it, I'm not responsible for anyones happiness but my own. It's a selfish thought, but it's one that I stand true to. I am so sick and tired of trying to make other people happy only to have them either take advantage of me [M], or to have them eventually grow to resent me because all though I am giving them all I have to give, it will never be enough [R]. I'm not going to spread myself thin for people who refuse to be there for me.
     Take M, my first example; a  great friend, goes through a whole bunch of family drama, I am always there for her, no matter what, to cheer her up when she gets into a serious spat with the 'rents, or to listen to her when her sisters drive her up the wall. Yet, I know that the second that she finds out that I so much as entertain the idea of liking other girls, I will lose that friendship, and she will walk away without so much as a second glance over her shoulder.
      Now R, as my second example; I will always be there for him, as a friend. I listened to him tell me the horrible things that he has done, and that has been done to him. I've listened to his stories of glory and lost, I've listened to him pine over a girl, and tell me that he is "in love with me" all in the same breathe. I have sat there on the phone with him for hours and hours helping him through difficult times. However, the second that he found out that I am for the girl team, and that although I will literally wake up at 3 in the morning because he is scared and needs someone to talk to, he will never be able to see past the fact that just like his ex who left him for another girl, I am a lesbian. He will never get over the fact that this idea of happiness he has led himself to believe he will attain if he were with me is not real.
     So to both of you, yes I care deeply, yes I love you, yes you will always be an important person in my life, but fuck you, okay? I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does, only to say the least. I will no longer sit and be blamed for your happiness, or lack there of. I will no longer sit down and let you guys use me all up, only to throw me away when the curtain is pulled and you've realized that I am not what you expected, nor what you wanted. Because you know what, I'm not, I am so, so much more. It's high time you guys realised it before you both lose me for good. Because I cannot keep playing these reindeer games.

End of blog song: Cat and Mouse- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.