Begin of blog song: Every Other Freckle; Alt-J
I want to die, but that's not right either. If I really wanted to die, I would. I want to cause enough pain and damage to my body that it's irreversible, until what I'm feeling is finally justifiable. I want to tear away at my chest with my nails, claw away at my ribs and rip out my heart until all that is left for me to do is to sink my decaying fingers into its beating pulses. I want to locate the hurt and make a physical manifestation of it. I want everyone to have a visual representation of what it's like living in my skin. I want to write, "fragile, handle with care" on my being and then fling myself down a winding set of stairs. I want my bones to break and shatter, I want to make sense of my pain in a way that I can comfortably justify and everyone else can readily identify. I want to love myself one day.
End of blog song: Good For You; Selena Gomes ft. A$AP Rocky.
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