23/09/12

Begin of blog song: Belong Here- 78Violet

     I've started and re-started this post about ten times now. I'm not really sure what I have to say, if I in fact have anything to say in the first place, and I think I do. I believe that I mentioned before in one of my post's that I am the one that most of my friends rely on? Well, I'm not necessarily complaining about it, as I love knowing that my friends feel secure enough to rely on me. However, when I get phone calls instructing me to talk about nonsense because you're all riled up and need to be calmed down, and then hung up on when I've served my purpose. Or, when I am looked up on Facebook chat only to listen to you vent about the crap going on in your life without so much as a second thought to me. Then, and only then do I have a fucking problem with it.
     Yes love, I bloody well enjoy being your bleeding backbone and fracking anchor of support, and no I am not a freaking doctor, but it wouldn't  fucking kill you to ask me how I'm going and actually care enough to listen to the response before diving into your fucking bullshit. I'm sorry love, really truly, I understand mate, I do, you're going through a lot, the love of your life cheated on you, (I'm gay and in the closet so fuck you.) You're scared of thunder and need a friend? (I don't mind, I think this is cute, I wake up screaming but you've never asked if I'm alright, fuck you.)

      Alright yeah? I get it, I guess it's my own fault for being gay and in the closet and therefore not being able to talk about it, but when you don't even ask how I'm doing, and no, I know, you say "what's up?" but that's just for bloody common courtesy ain't it? Don't try to say that it isn't, love because when you start the damn chat with "Drue..." (ELLIPSIS AND ALL MIGHT I ADD!) I very well know that something is wrong and you just want a pick me up, or when you call me and simply say: "Can you just say something please? I really just need a distraction right now." And of course I do as I'm told like a good little pup, because fuck me right?
    Listen, I love you all a lot, I do, you mean a lot to me, I don't mind being your shoulder to cry on, but at the very least, I'd like the favour to be returned because guess what love? I've been spinning and spinning forever, and I've finally dropped.
     I can't help but feel that actually putting this on my blog will be a huge mistake, but I'm gonna do it anyways. Like I said, I don't mind being there for you, I don't. And this isn't all of my friends, just a selected few.

End of blog song: Numb- Linkin' Park.