Long Time No See.

Begin of blog song: Skinny Soul- Family

     I came out to my parents. My father disowned me, my mother cried. She still loves me, though, I haven't spoken to my father since I told him, though he did take it upon himself to tell my grandmother about me and ask my mum to kick me out. This was in either the end of August or the beginning of summer. I don't remember.
     Remember that girlfriend I talked about before? Well, that's over, more than over, that crashed at 180mph on the highway, and I'm roadkill. She's okay, though, or at the very least she acts okay. I don't know.
    Everything's back to normal, everything was like it was before. I still lock myself in my room and cry, I still feel like I'm drowning, I still try to convince myself that someday, someday soon maybe, everything will be okay. The only problem is, I stopped believing myself.
     Still writing, I broke my old laptop and lost everything that was on it, I mean everything but that's just my luck eh. Starting over from scratch isn't horrible, I wrote down most of my stuff, either on paper or in my email, so yeah.
     I don't know, seems like this is the only place I can turn to, y'know? There really isn't anyone else, or if there is I don't feel comfortable or safe turning to them. So I guess there isn't really anyone. Oh wow, I thought I was past all this, I thought I was finally beginning to accept things and be happy maybe. God, was I ever fucking wrong.

End of blog song: This Is Gospel - Panic! At The Disco.

Going Crazy.

My head is not a safe place for me to be anymore. Recently (though not really) I've been experiencing these "episodes" where I will completely break down and lose control of myself and my thoughts. During these "episodes" I lose the ability to construct full sentences and tend to repeat words a lot (today's word was fuck), I become very annoyed and short with myself, refer to myself as you and sometimes I lash out violently (hitting a wall... or sometimes myself). I might've called this a side effect of my anxiety, but I've had anxiety attacks before and they're not like this. I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Sleep, is for the weak.

GOTTA. STAY. AWAKE.

Urgh.

Begin of blog song: Burn It Down- Linkin Park  
 
     I feel like I should come with a disclaimer, you know? Something like, "Warning, this character is extremely fucked up and my lash out at you for no fucking reason."
     Tumblr's a nice place, I'm meeting some pretty cool people from there, even getting some 'anon' love, which is great. The thing is, tumblr is also a very lonely place, and I'm starting to figure that out.
     Uhm, lately I've been in a really messed up place and I don't really know what to do. I want to cry almost all the time and it's so goddamn frustrating. It really hurts to think that the woman who raised you, the woman who fought so hard for you to be here (on this earth) is willing to throw all of that away because you're a chick that likes other chicks, or a dude that likes other dudes, or someone that likes both, or someone who wants to be the other. It's a total fuck up.
     I really like this site, so even though I'm on tumblr now, this'll always be my home. To those of you dealing with something similar or are just going through a hard time, I'm here for you, I care, and you are not alone.

End of blog song: And Darling- Tegan and Sara.

One More Year.

I need to get out of this house. Living here is killing me. I'm willing to take a year off of school to make this happen. I'm willing to do this because that's a step forward while living here is the equivalent of twelve steps back.

Update: I  did, in fact, make it out, and I didn't have to take a year off in order to do so.

I'm so tired, and I don't even know why. Thank the heavens that it's officially March Break and I can just sleep the week away.

Faith.

[Have Faith In Me- A Day To Remember] 

     I have come to the realization that the only one who will ever have enough faith in me, (or any at all) is myself.  Yes, I have family and friends that say they, "support" me, or "believe" in me, but I honestly doubt that any of them have faith in me. I feel like I've put my life on hold waiting for someone to have faith in me, to not doubt me when I say I am going to do something. But no more, whether or not there is someone by my side, someone who never gives up on me. I will have faith in me, and I will get where I need to in life, even if that means I have to at the beginning, even if that means doing it alone.

It's all I asked for, but I'm done waiting.

My Day.

 
     Today has indeed been a busy day. I woke up as per usual at 7:15am, then I lounged in bed until 7:30am, after that I finally decided it was time for me to get ready for school. I arrived at school at exactly 8:45am as the slush and snow made it extremely difficult to walk in. At 9:30am, I had an appointment with guidance where I discussed my plans for grade twelve. That went fairly well, I learnt that in order to take the online classes that I want I'd have to leave "holes" in my schedule... a bit risky I suppose but oh well. 10:10am, it was time for history. That period was spent watching The Mummy, a brilliant movie that I always enjoy watching... as long as it's the first or second one. At 11:25 I met my friend chris for lunch, we chatted and ate... it was fun and a nice change of pace, exactly what I needed. The rest of my day kind of went by in a flash, and before I knew it  it was home time.
     At home I decided to visit my school website and officially pick my courses, or at least the ones I can:

English
Earth and Space Science
Spanish
-spare-

The Writers Craft
*Studies in Literature 
*Wold History
-spare- 

     I'm extremely excited for grade twelve, I didn't even hate grade 11... I hope I can do this.

Well, the weather outside is frightful! 

(PS the ones with the '*' in front of it are my e-learning classes, also a spare is a free period).

I hope I'm Wrong.

     

       I tend to cling to broken people, because I feel like maybe if I helped them I’d be able to prove to myself that I’m not as horrid as I think. I sit down quietly and listen to others, telling them sympathetic words, genuinely trying my best to support them and then when I realize that they’re not exactly willing to extend the favour I can’t help but wonder if there’s something wrong with me. I was told once by a complete stranger that I, “look like I’m drowning” and I never actually thought that anyone noticed before… this just me leads to wonder, how many people have looked at me and seen that “drowning” expression on my face only to ignore it? Maybe there’s just something about me that makes other people leave or ignore my existence… maybe I really am as horrid as I think, and this is what I deserve. 

Future Goals.

Begin of blog song: Medicine- Daughter.

     Since I'm in the process of picking my schedule for grade 12, I decided that I needed to make a plan and a goal for my future. I refuse to rush through life aimlessly without a set goal, I refuse to "take life one step at a time" or "go where the wind carries me", maybe that'll work for others, but it's not how I see my life panning out. So, here are a list of my goals.

Schedule (grade 12) -in no set order-  English
                                                              Writers Craft
                                                              Studies in Literature (online) didn't happen
                                                             Astronomy
                                                            Philosophy (online) didn't happen
                                                           World History (online) didn't happen

Summer 2013: Work, save, search for scholarships didn't happen

Sep.-Jan. : 2 in school classes, 1 online. did not happen

Feb.-Jun. : 1 in school class, 2 online.
                    Apply to uni. - York, U of T (scarborough & downtown campus), Queens (?)
                    Work, save. sort of happened

Summer 2014: Look for apartments (with either K or Bo...), work, save definitely didn't happen
               August: Move out of mothers house, work, save. kind of happened minus the working and saving bit

Sep.-Apr. : Work, save, Uni (?)

Summer 2015 : Work, get ready for uni. this actually did happen guys!

University Goals: Major- English, History
 Minor- philosophy, Psychology. I was super fucking ambitious 

Career Goals: To work as an editor in a local Canadian publishing company, and write on the side. still accurate 

     If there's anything that I know is that seeing your goal is only half of the journey. However, I usually don't allow myself to dream because I'm afraid of how much disappointment I'd feel if I were to fail. The thing about this is, I cannot fail. Simply because I refuse to. I will do everything in my power to meet my end goals, (see Career Goals, and Summer 2014).

End of blog song: Keep Your Head Up- Ben Howard.

Back to School Blues.

    No, but seriously. I swear someone was fallowing me around since the time I woke up to just before last period playing the world's saddest violin. I even ended up crying in one of my classes, for no reason! I don't know, maybe I'm just too naive, but is this what it means to be a teenager? I don't get it. It's called you're going to be on your period.

This picture kind of fit my earlier mood... and I just like it a lot
for some reason. :P

     I missed yesterday's post so here's a CONFESSION: when I was younger I tried to hatch an egg from the fridge.

A Day With The Girls.

Begin of blog song: Love- Daughter

     Friday, was another unusually eventful day for me. Since we had no school, the girls and I decided that it'd be nice if we spent the our day at Chapters.                                                        

     The day began with a lot of slipping and sliding due to extremely icy roads. I literally slid down the entire length of my driveway, it made walking to the bus stop nearly impossible. However, as soon as we reached our destination everything went brilliantly!
 
     Due to incredible luck; (a 25$ Chapters gift card and 5$ worth of saved up points), I was able to get a great haul without (technically) spending any money.

     After our purchases, the girls and I decided to have lunch at a cute little cafe across the street called Caffe Mirage and split a huge plate of nachos. We actually like the place so much that we decided to make it "ours", and vowed to return at the very least once every month. Try once every year.

     <CONFESSION TIME> Okay, I missed out on yesterday's post. Not because I didn't know what to write, (see that notebook there? I've decided to write my blog entries there first before publishing them) but because my mum wouldn't turn on the Internet I don't know how this sentence was supposed to end, but it didn't. Anyways, my confession: every night before I fall asleep I create little scenarios in my head, where I find that perfect girl and we have an epic love story. 

End of blog song: Numb- Marina and the Diamond. 

Sorry!

No posts for awhile, internet problems!

Partying, partying, yeah!

  

So, tomorrow's my older sisters birthday and today we had a surprise party for her and all the family and cousins came over. That was a lot fun, especially since my birthday was last week, so I got a cut of my sisters gifts! :D Let's not forget the wonderfully delicious birthday cake. 

It says Chantel, because she's the birthday girl!

Here, have a Confession!

I still sleep with my stuffed animals, maybe I'll introduce you guys to 'em one of these days. No  I won't.

  

It's official, I am one of the most laziest/unfit people on earth. No, but seriously yesterday I had drama and I'm still sore from what was essentially an extreme game of Ring Around the Rosie. This is sad on so many levels! To make things worst Valentines Day is coming up. However the silver lining in this is that, Kit is in my history class and she sits right behind me.

Confessions.

I decided to do this thing where whenever I miss a day of blogging I'll confess something to make up for it. Since I missed two days (yesterday and today (I won't be posting anything today, sorry)) I am going to confess two things!

  

1. I hate being scared, I am the biggest coward there ever was.
2. I said you could have it all because I  don't want to share with you.

Not Bad.

That moment when a photo sums up your whole life.

  

Okay, so it may be sad but this is so completely me right now. I just came back from getting my eyebrows done and the first thing I do is warm up some food, get in my pj's and turn on my laptop. Best part is? I don't regret anything! I love life right now, I mean when I get older I sure as hell won't have the amount of time that I do now to just sit back and relax. This is a joke, I'm nineteen now, and about to start my second year of university, I'm doing the exact same shit that I was doing when I wrote this. Besides, life is all about appreciating the little things only to realise that they are what make up the big things. Sometimes life gets ahead of us, and before we know it it has passed us by and we haven't even taken a moment for ourselves to just sit back, relax, and take it all in, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch about five days worth of tv now and do just that. This went from kind of deep to me missing the point completely. 

- peace out girl scouts! 

Let Me Brake this Down for You.

  

Begin of blog song: Keep You Head Up- Ben Howard

Do you want to know why I'm so passive aggressive? Alright let's have a go at it shall we? Let's properly look at this situation, okay?

I- don't speak up or properly express myself.
You- hate it when I do this.
However- when I do try to properly express my opinion on a certain subject I am either 1. ignored or 2. treated as if I am being "too sensitive" or "annoying".
The point- if you want me to start speaking up, start listening. 

I have no problem what so ever that you express your opinion about me, what I do have a problem with is when your opinion about me completely degrades the type of person that I actually am. No, I'm not saying that I'm completely spotless in this food-fight, because I do realise that you do try to "pull me out of my shell" and that I don't let you, you make a lot of efforts to be "the best big sister that you can be" but the fact that you're even less consistent than I am, have no respect for authority, have no tangible future goals, and don't know how to deal with anyone in the history of ever. All of that, plus more makes it hard for me to actually think of you as my "big sister" because in my eyes babe, you're not.

You seriously want me to start respecting you and taking you seriously? Give me a reason to, because if you haven't noticed (which you don't because no one does), I try my best in school, I try my best to not be a sorry sap 100% of the time, I try my best not to lose my shit on everyone in this fucking house. I've lost where I'm going with this, but I think the point that I'm trying to make is that yeah we all have our set backs... I'm an emotionless academic idiot, and you got pregnant at 16... but that doesn't mean that we still can't try our best to see where the other is coming from. I'm sick and tired of asking you to speak nicer to me because you don't listen, it completely leaves me lost when you don't understand that the reason I don't know what to do around you is because you're my older sister and not my friend, it kind of leaves me with whiplash when you want to act like my friend but respected as someone who has authority over me and it completely fucking pisses me off that you don't have your life together at 25 but expect me to have all the answers figured out at 17.
Wow, I wish I could say that things have changed on this one, wish I would've made myself sound less like a bitch... (the babe comment made me laugh though).

End of blog song: Peter- Daughter.

The Weekend.

Do you like my hat? You should, it was
was made just for me.

                                       

My cake... or at least the last of it...

  

     So, my party was a success. Guess came, we enjoyed cake and games, there were only a few fights. Most importantly, I was happy... for the most part at least. I mean, there were times when I felt down or when everyone was laughing and I couldn't bring myself to. However, at the end of the day when everyone went home although I was relieved to get my house back to myself, I missed them.

Seventeen Forever

It's almost 9 and the first thing I do after waking up and taking care of the necessities is eat a birthday cupcake :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!
I love birthdays, and I love my mum! she ALREADY gave me my b-day present which is the purse from Guess  

  

isn't it beautiful?

There are so much I love about birthdays like:
-presents
-cake
-money
but I think the best thing about birthdays is that you get one day that's completely devoted to you. I mean as soon as twelve hit I got a phone call from the Forever Loyal J wishing me a happy birthday. Not to mention the lovely text messages. I love the fact that people are actually glad that I was born and are willing to spend this day with me. :) HOLY SHIT I'm practically a foetus. If only 17-year-old Drew can see me now.

  

Going through ALL of my posts to correct all of the mistakes and make it look a bit more human. I want to look back on this one day and think, "good job Drue, you've managed to not make yourself look like a complete twat. *pats on back*"  I actually failed at this goal, but it's all very entertaining so I'm only sort of complaining.

I will be this dog, and I will be proud.

Pet Peeves.

Hello, people, today's topic is going to be on pet peeves. As in my pet peeves. Here's a bit of a disclaimer before you continue, I have a fuck load of them. So, if you don't have the time then I don't know, what the shit are you doing on here if you don't have the time in the first place? Anyways let the list begin, this is in no particular order just whatever pops up in my head first is going to be first.

• Hypocrites, what the fuck is this "Do as I say not as I do" bullshit? Fuck you, live by your words or shut the fuck up!

• Dog walkers, now I don't actually have anything against the dog walking community. It's more of a thing against the people who don't have the frigging decency to pick up their dog's crap. I mean seriously? Ew.

• People who don't answer their phones right away, Okay let me get into specifics here. I don't mean when it's in like an impossible situation to get it on the first ring, I get it. I don't mean when your phone's on silent or vibrate either, I get that. I mean when your ringtone is some loud ass pop/rap/rock/whatever song and you let it play for fucking HOURS in the middle of a show/movie/quiet time when it's sitting RIGHT BESIDE YOU. No, fuck you, that's not okay.

• People that don't know how to respect authority, Still a pet peeve of mine, but this was extremely ignorant of me so I'm going to do the adult thing and erase the bad bits.

• People who get their kicks by making fun of others, this is not funny nor is it acceptable. Do not make anyone else the punchline for your jokes, it's rude and hurtful.

  

• People who are fast to believe rumours, I mean seriously? No, but really? You hear something about someone you don't even know and you let that be the foundation on what you'll build your opinion of them on? Rumours in general really piss me off, they're fucking gross and ruin people's lives.

• Being woken up in the middle of the night, No... just no. Wait until you live on dorm and get your first roommate.

• Bullies, also a huge NO. Just don't do it, don't be a bully!

• Know it alls, you do NOT know everything and you are NOT always right. Time to wake up to reality hon and accept that. I should probably take my own advice...

• Grade gremlins, you know the type they're completely greedy when it comes to getting good grades. It's not enough that they're getting in the high 90s already but as soon as they get into the high 80s they're "failing" and cry about it meanwhile you're getting the same mark and that's: "completely understandable for someone of your level" or some BS like that. Shut the hell up, grades aren't everything, you know what the real world is all about? Connections, so don't screw over the middle man because he's the one that'll help you get to where you need to go. Connections are everything. Bitter but accurate.

• Teachers, not all of them. Just the ones that answer "study hard and hand in the next assignment" when you ask them how you could possibly get your marks up. Uhm, hello I am OBVIOUSLY doing all those things now, and it is OBVIOUSLY not working. No you weren't, don't lie on the internet kid.

:D that's it (maybe) ALL (possibly) of my pet peeves. :) I feel better now!

*Coward*

     I just sat through the first  45minuets of Cabin In The Woods, probably one of the worst decisions I've made so far. I hate scary movies like seriously HATE them so I'm glad that I at least had the courage to leave. You see, usually I'd just sit there and torture myself for the full hour and a half but this time I promised myself that I'd leave before things got too gory. Yay me, I deserve a pat on the back!

  

     Here's another reason why I deserve a pat on the back: I'm FINALLY PROPERLY PASSING CHEMISTRY! Yup, you read right people. Despite my horrible onslaught of anxiety attacks on Thursday I managed to pass my chemistry lab to the point where my mark went up three marks and my teacher expressed how proud of me she is for my improvement! Instead of getting a 49 in chemistry, I am now getting a 52! (I know it's not great but considering I started off with a freaking 28, it's bloody brilliant!)
     It's also almost my birthday! :) I can't wait for that! I'm actually really proud  of myself for passing chemistry. 

Finally Free... almost.

Begin of blog song: Numb- Marina and the Diamonds

Today, I had the much-dreaded chemistry lab exam and it went a little like this:
-first period; "oh my gosh I have my chem. lab exam next period, someone please help me to understand what the cheeseballs is going on!" no one answers, they simply tell me how hard and scary the lab was. I then begin to curl up into a ball and cry my eyes out right in the middle of the classroom. I somehow manage to cowboy up and make it to second period.

  

-second period; I make it to my desk... 'hey drue, your eyes are red are you okay?'... I then begin to break down in tears once again but manage to shake it off and make my way to the counter. My lab partner then hands me my safety goggles and I go in full blown panic/anxiety attack mode. Once again curled up in a ball, shaking, hyperventilating, crying my eyes out, unable to move.

That was my morning, somehow I managed to make it out of that last episode (thanks to the vice principal and some reassuring words) and did my lab exam (and totally screwed up). Oh well, at least it over, well until the exams that is.

End of blog song: A Decade Under the Influence- Taking Back Sunday

My Week Thus Far.

Begin of blog song: None, I'm actually having fun sitting in silence.

<LOL> did I just say "having fun"? No... no, no, no. I am not having any fun AT ALL. For starters, I am missing Pretty Little Liars! To continue, I have been up to my EARS (that's right, not elbows but ears) in homework and assignments.

Anyways, that's all I really have time for so I'm just going to go now.

HAPPY ALMOST MOTHER FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME!

  

The sad fucking truth.

I think that the worst most saddest part about this is that EVERY FUCKING TIME I TRY TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF OR MY PLANS FOR MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY FUCKING MOTHER MY FUCKING CUNT OF A SISTER HAS TO BUTT IN AND TALK ABOUT HER OWN MOTHER-FUCKING BIRTHDAY BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN SHE IS THE MOST FUCKING IMPORTANT PERSON ON EARTH AND IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS. I mean, come one people really? I know I'm not exactly the most out spoken person, I know that I don't ALWAYS say what I want and demand that I get it served to me on a FUCKING SILVER PLATER! However, that doesn't make my voice/wants/needs any less important than anyone else's. I did literally NOTHING for my sixteenth birthday because every time someone was talking about birthdays it somehow skipped mine and went straight to my dear ol' sister's as per usual. FOR FUCKING ONCE can we not revolve around her and her bullshit and like focus on me? GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, I guess not eh. That's just too much to ask for isn't it.  Things have gotten better.

F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. A.L.L.

Secret Missions!

Hello people, how've you all been?
Well I've made up my mind about a year ago that I'd stop publicly celebrating my birthday (meaning having parties or expecting people to text/call me) since on my sixteenth birthday practically every single one of my friends/family members forgot it was my birthday and that left me pretty bummed out, and on my fifteenth birthday when no one made it to my party because they were all too busy studying for exams.
This year is no different from last, except I have a few things to say to a few half a dozen people (READ: my "friends") and my birthday seems like the best opportunity I'll get to gather them all in one room and tell them exactly how I feel. You know, get everything out in the open.

  

Anyways, I hope more than anything that I can get my thoughts across properly to more people than just myself. So in fact, on the twenty-sixth day of January I will NOT be having a party I will be having an honest chat with a group of strangers I once had the nerve to call my "friends". I can't wait to see how all of this turns out. I don't know if I actually did this or not. 

It really is the only way to make it through,
When no one else will talk to you.

Hey.

Begin of blog song: Give Me Love- Ed Sheeran (I'm pretty sure it's on repeat)

Alright, so my days have been pretty hectic lately. Exams are coming up, which means teachers are cracking down their whips. I have an IAPS (Introduction to Anthropology Psychology and Sociology)  ISU (Independent Study Unit) to do which consist of me creating and distributing a survey to support a made up hypotheses, along with some other junk. A Spanish ISU which involves the research of a country (in my case Costa Rica) and a flashy powerpoint presentation. The final chemistry test in the history of ever (for me at least) until the final exam. On top of all of that, a math test tomorrow.

  

Let's back track for a bit here, shall we? Firstly, I crack under pressure... like a popcorn seed under heat. Therefore, public presentations have never been something that I am good at, not exams nor any sort of assessments. Secondly, I don't speak an ounce of Spanish nor do I completely understand what's going on in the class (although that one may just be my own fault!) Thirdly, I'm already failing Chemistry... heavily, I'm getting a 42 in the class so when I say failing I don't mean the 'OMG I'm so smart and I'm supposed to be getting 90s in all my classes and for the first time ever I'm getting an 80!' type failing, I mean the legit type failing as in I MAY NOT GET THE CREDIT IF I DON'T ACE THIS FINAL TEST AND THE LAB EXAM AND THE WRITTEN EXAM!

The good part? I can use the Internet to help me with Spanish (for now at least, hopefully, I'll have a good enough mark going into the exams so I don't completely screw myself over). I did, I actually ended up getting a high B in Spanish. I still have a few more chances to bring up my chemistry mark (second paragraph, last sentence, all caps) and if that fails then it doesn't really matter, I say goodbye to my spare in grade 12 and take a make-up course.

Peace out girl scouts! gotta finish those assignments... :(

End of blog song: Collide- The Shakespeares. (looks like it was not on repeat!)

It's Only Tuesday! :(

Begin of blog song: Let Go- Lee Hester.

Today's PLL Tuesday! That's about the only good thing about today. I am swamped, SWAMPED with school work. I somehow have to write a whole survey in time for tomorrow, figure out what the hell is going on in Chemistry in time for next Monday, and try to not totally suck at Spanish in time for tomorrow. I kind of just want to like give up, roll over and play dead.. you know?

It's like okay I do these assignments, I get good grades, I make it into University, graduate University, and then what? In the real world am I really going to have to do all of this shit? No, right? Oh man, try not to be too disappointed when you find out... So why am I being forced to bend over backwards and get it done now? It doesn't make any sense to me.

The worst part is that I didn't even procrastinate, so it's not like it's my fault I'm so swamped with homework and assignments, my teachers just all decided to get their kicks by having their students drown and thrash under the workload. I feel like getting them to go through a normal high school day as a Student and see how "easy" it is. This is complete bullshit.

-COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

End of blog song: Home- Gabrielle Aplin.

  

 This is BULLSHIT!

First Day Back After The Holidays.

Begin of blog emotion: ANNOYED.

Well people, according to my good friend Bo Supernatural is just the "best show ever man and I can't believe you don't watch it" so to appease her and figure out what exactly the hype is over this show I decided to give it a go. So far, my computer is being a JACKASS and keeps freezing before I'm even able to get mid-way through the show. Third time's the charm though, right? You really weren't missing out, the show sucks.

  

Today was my first day back to school since the break and although it wasn't horrid I'd still prefer to be at home all day than at school all day. The only good thing out of all of this is that I get to dress up and meet my friends every day. I guess the learning part is pretty cool as well and so are most of my teachers. It's just that I can't help but notice that no matter how hyped my mood is in the morning as soon as I reach school property I'm left drained and full of mild hatred for everything. Is this the high school effect, or does it only happen to me?

I just want to roll over and sleep for a thousand years, please and thank you.

- Peace out girl scouts.

End of blog emotion: Slightly less annoyed.

0 Days 'til Dooms Day.

     Hey people, today's been a pretty brilliant day! I woke up at a decent hour and then I went to the mall. I managed to get all that I needed while staying true to my budget.  I got:

•My feminine products

•A cute top (pictures to come when I wear it on my birthday :D)

•A nail polish (this one I actually like)

•A new face wash (let's see how this works shall we?)

•An Eyeliner from Revlon.

   It's weird, but I'm most excited to try the eyeliner because I hate the liquid ones, and the pencil ones so I usually just get the twist ones. Usually I stick to black, and I *thought* this one was black but it turns out it was actually charcoal... so I'm kind of ugh wondering how that'll look haha :)

  

     On another note, tomorrow school starts and I'm kind of looking forward to that, I mean would it be different now after the break? Or will it just be the same as always? What the fuck were you expecting? I hope it somehow turns into something way more fantastical than before... (FANTASTICAL IS ACTUALLY A WORD?!?!?!) Although a part of me is super excited for school to start, I'm also dreading it because I'm enjoying my break and don't want to go back to failing chemistry. :(

This charcoal colour 

Black/Silver from XXI

Changes to the Blog?!?!

  

LET'S MAKE THIS THE BEST FREAKING YEAR EVER, SHALL WE?!?!  :D 

Yeah, I made a few changes... okay, maybe a bit MORE than a few, but change is a GOOD thing. Besides, how could I change myself and not change my blog? This is a new year baby so hold on tight! One thing that I am also going to change is that I'm probably going to be adding more photos onto the blog... you know, to make it more "homey" :)
I don't know about you guys, but I seriously feel like this year could be different, better even. We just have to give it a chance. :*

- Peace out girl scouts! 

2013.

  

  

Begin of blog song: Colourblind- Art of Sleeping

Left aligned like a rebel! Sorry, I just really had to try this I mean, it's pretty cool and feels like I'm writing backwards! :D Okay, so I never actually *talked* about 2013. Like my goals and such for this year. I know I kind of skimmed the topic, but I never  really went all out in my  New Years plans. 

Okay, well here goes! Firstly, I started doing this thing where I have a box (it's silver and in shape of a star!!) and everyday (starting from the beginning of January) I have put a note with one good thing about my life written on it. That way, by the time 2014 rolls around, I'll have 365 good things to read about my life. :D That maybe lasted an entire week, possibly less than. 

Another thing, I'm pretty sloppy, not just in like the whole organizational sense but also in the way I dress, so I will now make sure to be dressed  in a properly presentable manner whenever I leave my house! Also, to be a bit more girlie, but at the same time not turn into such a lazy slob. Ha.

Taking better care of my body, skin, and hair is also something I'm very passionate about. That means that I won't be eating as much junk foods and sweets as I've been allowing myself to consume and I'll probably spend less time on the computer and my cellphone instead opting for things like, going for a walk, or focusing on my studies. I want to be  the best version of me, not just for a few days, or the rest of the year, but for the rest of my life. That doesn't start tomorrow, or when I feel like I should stop being lazy, that starts *today*. That is a bit complicated to explain. I'm doing all that I said I was but I'm still surgically attached to my laptop and phone.  

Part of that means that I actually am going to be posting regularly from now on, and I mean it this time. I have no time to slack off. This is 2013, this is my year... OUR year. And we can do this, we can survive this, and we can live up to our own expectations. Yes, all five of you can conform to the goals that I set for myself and was unable to live up to. Follow in my footsteps, let's be slackers together!

End of blog song: Kid on my Shoulder- White Rabbit.

F_ck You School!

Begin of blog song: Shake it Off- Florence  + the Machine

Alright, I am about halfway through with my chemistry assignment, and I just recently learnt that I don't actually need to COMPLETE my Sociology assignment by the end of the break. So that's fairly good news.
The bad news, I've somehow gotten myself into spending two hours with my niece. fimmel (when FML just doesn't cut it you've got to sound it out), I mean it's not like spending time with the little monster is extremely horrid. It's more like, she's extremely annoying. I mean, the first five seconds of her is sweet (sometimes) and then she just turns into this little Gremlin that you got wet AND fed after midnight, and you just want to like put her in a sack and give her back to the Stork that left her at your doorstep.
I don't know man, I don't want to be working on anything on Sunday because I just want to have a girlie day then, you know spend the time doing my nails and my hair and picking out my outfit for school on Monday and giving myself a facial and watching youtube videos or anime and reading and writing! So like, I have today to look after my chemistry work and then tomorrow to do my bloody Sociology work, and then Sunday to just wined down and enjoy the rest of my break. Let's do this!

- Peace out girl scouts!

End of blog song: A Decade Under the Influence- Taking back Sunday.

Seriously?

No, but seriously? You're fucking yelling at me right now for not washing up ALL OF THE FUCKING DISHES? Are you seriously serious right now? I mean never mind the fact that I washed up the breakfast and lunch dishes yesterday and all you had to do was wash the dinner dishes. Never mind the fact that today while I was washing up the breakfast and lunch dishes but LOW AND BEHOLD YOU FUCKING CUNT, I find the dinner dishes that YOU were supposed to wash up and DIDN'T. Now you want to bitch at me? Fuck. You. You. Cunt. I took the liberty of censoring the harsher swear words, you're welcome.

End of the Break.

Begin of blog song: Hero- Skillet

Hello my invisi-folks! How goes it? Have all of you been procrastinating as much as I have? I hope not, because now I only have like four days (or three and a half) to start and complete two projects. Fuck me! Anyways, that's what's on today's agenda. Also, I found another "girl friendly" person that goes to my school... which is like AMAZING! Not just because she's like me but because I KNEW it! God, and I thought my gaydar was missing!! The not so exciting part? I've probably had like one conversation with her! :O haha, it's okay, though, we've got mutual friends so let's see where it goes from here, shall we? (Although I suspect that I'm jumping the gun here and it is going nowhere).

End of blog song: CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater- NeverShoutNever.